Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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