Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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