They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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