I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
