Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
