we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
