wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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