I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
