i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
