Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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