It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
