I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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