her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
