Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
