your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
