I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
