Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
