i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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