my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
