How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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