you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
