I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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