It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
