I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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