I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
