Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
