After last night, I could never be a politician.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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