I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Someone signed my nipple.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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