I love black thongs
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
