My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize