just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
