Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
