he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
