swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
