JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Never underestimate the power of titties
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
