there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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