It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize