idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
