You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
