i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
