I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
