things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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