i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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