what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
