YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
