it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
