Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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