yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
