I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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