Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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