hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
