If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
