Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize