either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize