There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
