I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
