She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
40s are totally the cure
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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