i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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