sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
