Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
