My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
