Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
