I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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