You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
