you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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