i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
