well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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