You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
