What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
