I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
