oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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