I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
