He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
