Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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