Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
