she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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