oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize