i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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