im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
