I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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